Friday, August 28, 2009

Cash For Coolers

After observing via MSNBC and Krugman et al, along with many and varied "I worship SATA the STATE" blogs, I have come to the inescapable conclusion that I too should implement a program similar to Cash For Clunkers.


                            CASH FOR COOLERS

Specifications, Codes, Rules, Regulations, Resolutions, Statutes, Laws, Canons, Precepts, Ordinances, Absolutisms, Fundamentals, Formalities, Guidances, Bossisms, Auspices, Conventionalities, Observances, Guidelines, Suggestions, Orthodoxies, Codes, Caveats, Commands, and the occasional Assumption and/or Generalization regarding CASH FOR COOLERS.  (this is how the damn program works)


You bring me a cooler full of beer.  The size or type of cooler does not matter as long as it is filled with ice and beer.

I give you a dollar.

The beer is removed from the cooler.  

Beer removal time varies, depending on several factors -- 
Quantity of beer 
Ambient temperature
Barney from The Simpsons
Is the grill hot or cold?


You take your empty cooler with you when you leave 


Explanation of Benefits (that's the beauty of the thing)

Leaving with an empty cooler is the goal to set for yourself.  This will insure that you are able to add more beer to your cooler.  If you do not empty your Cooler using CASH FOR COOLERS, you cannot re-fill it full of beer and ice.  You will be able to add new beer and new ice to your cooler sooner rather than later because you sold your old, cold beer to me.  The $1 payment you receive for your old beer will enable you to buy new beer to fill up your empty cooler.  Aren't you happy we helped you to empty it ?? This is a Win/Win program.  You get a cooler full of ice cold beer and all it costs is one dollar.

Not every cooler will qualify.
Coolers with greater than 50% by volume of these types of beers will not qualify --

Tomato flavored
Clam flavored
any thing referred to by the term "chiller"



No beer will be accepted which has undergone the unnatural process depicted in the picture below.   ( That's my nephew Jacob )

To the right, NOT nephew Jacob

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