Thursday, August 18, 2011

The Real Animal House by Chris "Pinto" Miller

The Real Animal House: The Awesomely Depraved Saga of the Fraternity That Inspired the Movie

"THE MOST IMPORTANT THING when you go to college," Ace Kendall declared, "the single most important thing" -- he paused for effect -- is never, ever to join a fraternity."

The Smiths, in the ramshackle house on the corner, made the characters in Li'l Abner seem urbane sophisticates.

John Landis talks about Animal House the movie.

One thing about Dartmouth -- it was very Dartmouth. Despite all the dumb, virginal comedies Doris was making at this time, she was still, by my standards, a sexy woman. I knew this because I wanted to lick her thighs.

I knew what an alternate universe was. Apparently, I'd just walked into one.

Isaac leaned forward. "You should really think about this. They're the worst house on campus. The girls from Colby Junior get warned not to go there." "They're sick," said Brad. "They're an animal house."

If he'd had three holes in his ass instead of one, you could have rolled a strike with him.

It was a rare Dartmouth man who could have told you the name of the governor of New Hampshire, or knew diddly-squat about what passed for politics there. It was like an American base in a Third World country.

The Amherst AD's had outraged him, too. They had no soul. They kept telling them what not to do.  He himself believed in green lights, all the way.  Do any damn thing you wanted and, assuming you weren't hurting someone, be left the fuck alone!

The beer would take you sooo high.  And then, like the waters of Old Faithful, down you'd inevitably come.  It dissuaded one of God's existence.  Ingmar Bergman was right.

Rhesus Monkey's eyes were slits worthy of Ming the Merciless.

The scene in the basement of the AD house at 2:00 a.m. was very Hieronymus Bosch.

Bags, whose politics resembled Himmler's, thought unions akin to roach nests and peace only a boring pause between wars.

Pinto ran out to greet them.  Actual Negroes in Hanover!  They sure were black.  Pinto was swooning with negritude.

To no one's surprise, AD wound up on probation for an indefinite period.  The brothers sank into stoic gloom.

It was like the Oscars; comedy got no respect.

Another example is Elvis Presley, whose music never recovered from the move he made from Sun Records to RCA, where they mainstreamed him and cut off his balls.

Chris Miller

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